Dirty Projectors - Useful Chamber


Gang Gang Dance - House Jam


Panda Bear - Comfy in Nautica LIVE W/ A.C.


Burial - Archangel


Caribou - Melody Day


Here We Go Magic - Fangela


I know this puts me "behind the times" but these are all songs I discovered in the past few days and it goes without saying, some of these songs ain't new. The live version of Comfy kills me because Panda sings the melody SO flat, and it makes the song sound REALLY creepy. I love it!

"librarians are hiding something"

Today as I was standing outside a building I had just been in, messing with my umbrella, an acquaintance approached me, ready to engage in conversation. I don’t know if I would call her a friend, but perhaps a buddy. As soon she started talking I thought, “Remember, Heidi. Be careful around this one.” Something about her alerted me of that sort of Bible-belt, family-focused, conservative Christian-ness a long time ago. She just came off very "pious". And not that I have anything against Christians. Practically everyone I know and love is or was a Christian because there are SO MANY CHRISTIANS in this part of the country. Growing up with Mexicans I was inundated with Catholicism, and later on I would enroll in a university associated with the Church of Christ. Also, Baptists EVERYWHERE. Oh, South. I had only a couple of close Muslim friends in high school, a few beloved Jews in college who I tagged along with to the synagogue numerous times, and a smattering of bitter atheists who I held near and dear. Almost none of my kind, though I know we're the most prevalent: the religiously indifferent. Where you people at?

So, anyway, I told to myself to “cool it” with her and be a good girl, especially where it comes to my dirty fucking mouth and my tendency to take the Christian lord’s name in vain. But as we were standing there, chatting in the rain under umbrellas, I forgot my mental note. I started thinking she must be open minded if she was willing to be buddies with me at all, considering that I’m covered in tattoos, dress in copious amounts of black leather, and frequently show up to class drunk. Then a gust of wind hit my umbrella and I yelled “Jesus fucking Christ!” The wind didn’t really surprise or annoy me; I just thought it would be funny to overreact to it. However, my choice of comically hyperbolic language went unappreciated. She lapsed into silence and I said, “Gotta go! Bye bye!” And, I left.

It reminded me of when I had a job at a Christian book store. It was such a miserable accident. I saw that a bookstore was soon to open and decided to apply for employment. It’s not legal to talk religion in job interviews, and this paired with my complete disinterest in researching or even just asking about the nature of the bookstore meant I showed up for my first shift and was very surprised. “Cool it, Heidi,” I said. And I did. For six weeks. Then I got fired.

I just can't resist the temptation to blog.

I also just can't resist the temptation of alcohol. I'm sitting in my dark apartment listening to my phone ring and the occasional knock on the door and am ignoring it because I know the next step after acknowledging my friends is a trip to a bar that ends in drunkenness, bad decisions, and waking up tomorrow too late to make it my gig. Then, not getting paid and continuing the pattern of distrust between my colleagues and me. I don't mean to be young and untrustworthy! Really, I'm a weirdo compared to my peers, and would be glad to stay home tonight and watch Saturday Night Live and sleep. But, I'd probably rather get drunk. WHO'S BUYIN'??

In a few weeks I graduate and adopt a new, adult lifestyle. Or will I?

[No.]

as always, Heidi starts a major organizational project and quits almost immediately. And as we all know, abandoning an organizational project when it's partially done means you have a bigger mess than you started with.

i don't care.

but

tomorrow should be a good day

though

another day without accomplishing anything of any importance.

heidi